Thankfully for my social credibility, my toilet phobia (and extensive Barbie collection) disappeared with the onset of adolescence. The only problem was, other seemingly more legitimate fears swiftly took its place. Instead of breaking into a cold sweat at the sight of white bathroom appliances, I now found myself grappling with fear of the future, fear of failure, fear of vulnerability, fear of confrontation, even fear of growing up. If there was one word that defined my teenage years, it was ‘scared’.

My old habit of running away from what I was afraid of, first forged in a bathroom aged two, remained. When that stomach-curdling, heart-palpitating dread (commonly known as sheer terror) hit me, I knew instinctively to put on my metaphorical running shoes and sprint in the opposite direction. I flushed (my fears) and ran.

In an attempt to appear in control, I put an adult label on my emotions. I called them ‘lack of peace’, convincing myself that if something terrified me or made me uncomfortable, it was against God's plan. I mean, surely if God wanted someone to do something risky, he would instantly quell their anxiety? Makes sense, don’t you think? Seemingly not. See, ‘lack of peace’ ruled my life. I felt it every time I went to a party, gave a talk, met somebody new or went on a date. Indeed, the only time I felt completely peaceful was sitting on the sofa eating Ben and Jerry’s. Not great for the waistline.

Fear ruled my life, affecting every decision I made (or chose not to make). Yet, as I saw the growing list of wasted opportunities I now regretting saying no to, the following thought came to my mind: What if my old coping mechanisms, forged in childhood to keep me ‘safe’, were actually impeding the life God had intended for me to live? What if my ‘lack of peace’ was actually just fear?

In the right context, fear isn’t a bad thing. It protects us from making unwise, potentially life-threatening choices (like jumping off 30 foot cliffs or eating chicken past its best-before-date). Further, real lack of peace does exist, and is often a clear sign from God that a situation or direction we find ourselves heading in is not a good idea. The problem comes when we confuse the two emotions, allowing fear to masquerade as a heavenly stop sign, when God has actually given us a green light. In that situation, the only thing holding us back is ourselves.

The fact is, when we allow fear to control our lives, giving it the power to stop us from doing things that could actually be for our good, it becomes an incredibly dangerous emotion. That is when we must fight to overcome it instead of giving it free reign. But how on earth do we do that?

In the words of former South African President Nelson Mandela, ‘Courage [is] not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.’ Even the bravest amongst us have looked fear in the face. They just made a choice that it would not stop them. Consequently, to fight our fears, we must also make a daily choice. There is no quick fix. It is simply about learning to slowly walk towards our fears, instead of running away from them. We need to learn to question ourselves honestly: what are we actually afraid of? Is it a legitimate fear or are we just terrified of change? Is it wise to stop in our tracks or should we choose to continue on, regardless of our anxiety?